A White Elephant

A "white elephant" is a gift that is more trouble than it is worth. Asian kings used to give the animal to those who had fallen out of favor and the care and feeding of  the sacred beast would drain the recipient of all his resources.

English kings did the same thing when "honoring" a friend with a visit from the royal Court and overstaying their welcome. The cost of this hospitality ruined the host and removed him as a threat.

A "white elephant" can be a gift that is intended to be a burden or it can be one that starts out innocently enough, but through the law of unintended consequences becomes deadweight. Such is the case with a timeshare that we have inherited. It will be hard to sell and will continue to need repair and maintenance forever.

Relationships can become white elephants too. For whatever reason, the outlay in terms of emotional or economic expenditure is more than the payback and the situation becomes untenable.  A job can be a white elephant when it appears at first to be a great opportunity, but then demands too much from family commitments. Addictions are another area where the high of drugs or food or sex is intoxicating at the start, but then deteriorates into a drive whose costs are dear.

White elephants can arrive in our lives through any number of avenues, but, what does one do about an ongoing burden that seems to offer little benefit?

Walking away from it is one option. This has its own consequences in terms of liability and reputation and in relationships, of course, the hurt to the parties involved. It rarely results  in a peaceful spirit, but instead is a wound begging for closure. In the case of addiction, merely walking away is a solution not possible to the millions under its power. The process takes enormous inner strength.

Trying to change the circumstances is another option. Perhaps getting others to share the load, involving counselors or rearranging priorities could help to lessen the onerous nature of the situation. Not all situations are under our control, however.

Accepting the circumstances is yet another possibility, but the stress of living a life of gritted teeth can become its own problem. Acceptance is truly life giving only when there is peace about it. So this third way out is actually a way in - into ourselves and into the personhood of God. Somehow, we must allow God into the situation. If we do, we will be bringing Love into it and Love changes every perspective. "Purify my understanding" is a prayer whose answer might surprise us. We may even come to see the "burden" as a gift.

Looking back now on an illness that was a side effect of a medication I needed, I realize that if I hadn't been sidelined for a couple of years, there would not have been the time to spend in spiritual reflection. I would have had a full time job and not had the freedom to become involved in in Eleanor's life when she came to Virginia. My priorities would have been different when my grandchildren were born.

Examining our perspective with an open mind and heart gives God room to broaden our capacity to love. In the process, we may find that our white elephant is a sacred beast after all.