Card Philosophy

Mother's Day is almost here and the card stores are in overdrive making sure that we have just the right sentiments to share with the woman who gave us life. For a number of years, however, I've had trouble finding something that expresses what I want to say. I've noticed that the messages in most cards have switched focus from the receiver to the giver. The happy event is seen in the context of how it affects the sender, not the one being honored.

The most blatant example came in the mail the other day. It's a catalog of Mother's Day gifts and the headline epitomizes the perspective of the 21st century Me Generation. It says:

Mothers Day is not for celebrating moms. Mothers Day is for celebrating all they've given us. For all the moments they've offered up a sweet hug or some tough love. For the days when they had just the right thing to say-even if it meant saying nothing at all.

It goes on, but this is enough to illustrate the point: In Hallmark land, Mother's Day isn't about your mother - it's about the effect she had on you.

The birthday cards on display are much the same. We send good wishes to a friend or family member not because this person is witty or wise or kind or talented. Rather, the messages tell them they make us feel good in their presence; that we smile when we recall the times they went out of their way for us or recount what sweet memories we have of their love for us. The bottom line is that we congratulate them in the context of how wonderful we feel when we are around them. In other words, it's all about us.

This is dangerous territory.

When people think they exist just for the benefit of others, they lose the sense that they matter in and of themselves. It's an approach to life that ultimately leads to questions about the utility of caring for those who can't make a productive contribution anymore or the cost to society of those who are disabled. If people matter only because of what they can do for us, then it's only logical to doubt their worth when they can't continue to meet our needs.

Indeed, this is dangerous territory.

People matter because we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and because God drew satisfaction from creating us and God takes delight in us. He created each of us uniquely and we are an astonishment of characteristics that take a lifetime to unearth. That I laugh at something and you don't is really an amazing occurrence: what goes on in each of our brains that a story amuses me, but not you? What incredible specimens we are in our individuality! Ultimately, we matter because each of us is a glimpse of the Divine that can never be completely parsed.

We have the opportunity each day to honor the strengths of others and to make them aware of the skill, talent and good we see operating in them. So many people are tongue tied when asked to talk about what they do well; all they can think of is their weaknesses and where they failed to meet the mark. It is up to us to keep the focus on the positive and give people the chance to revel in the feedback we give. We see what we are primed to see.

Others do not exist for our benefit. They exist to fulfill the potential within them and if, in the process of doing that, they make our lives richer, we can only be grateful for the overflow. Meanwhile, we can give thanks for them just as they are and take joy in what they become before our eyes.

The ad that advises, Make Mother's Day all about you ( at least they're honest) is offering one path for our culture to take. Perhaps there's another message that leads to a better place: love is not self centered. Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken, reminds us that:

Two roads diverged in a wood.
And I, I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

He Is Not here

He is not here, the angel said to the women who had come to anoint his body. He is risen from the dead.

Quite a surprise on an early Sunday morning. He is not here. The women could see that for themselves. They were the first witnesses to peer into the empty tomb. Later, the men would come, but the greatest revelation of all time was entrusted to women whose testimony, because of their gender, would not be accepted in a Jewish court of law. They were inconvenient witnesses for the gospel writers,who, if they were making up a story to tell generations of followers, most probably would have chosen more credible corroborators. The women remain today, however, as the bearers of a startling truth: He is not here.

Everyone else stayed home that Easter morning, lost in their grief and belief that their dreams had been crushed. It was the women who went to the tomb to perform the one service they still could, even while fretting about the size of the stone they would have to remove in order to reach Jesus. The dream may have died, but somehow, they were going to give it a decent burial.

I wonder how the story would have changed had the women not gone to the tomb and verified the truth of the angel's statement: He is not here. It was hard enough for Jesus to convince the disciples that it was he and not a ghost who was conversing with them. It has been hard enough over the centuries to convince people that the disciples did not concoct the story. The empty tomb, attested to by societal nobodies, remains its own proof: He is not here.

The women remind us that it is when we search, we find; that when we give, we receive.

Amen.

It Is All Good

One of the cards that I sent out last week had this phrase on the cover: Easter is God's Way of Saying that It's All Good.

Good Friday is the perfect day to remember that, in the hands of God, all that we endure can have a loving outcome. Our task is to be open to the change that this might involve within ourselves and to trust that God sees around all the corners in our lives. God knows what is needed in order to prepare for the good that lies ahead.

It is tempting to remain fixated on the sufferings that Jesus experienced. It is hard to resist focusing on the lacks in our own lives and our dashed expectations. The glory of the life of Jesus, however, is Easter, not Good Friday. The "good news" is that  Death steals our bodies, but only for a time. The gospel promise is that there is life after death and that Jesus came that we might have life in the now, as well. The Spirit that we have been given is able to transform all that we undergo and bring good out of it.

The rub, of course, is Holy Saturday, the day of silence. Even Jesus had to wait to see the Easter of his life.

So must we all. This is where each of us can make a difference: Trust in the Good on the other end of the dark times of our lives is a three day experience and it's best done hand in hand. It helps when someone else can remind us Sunday is just around the corner.

See you the day after tomorrow.

Slight Detour

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the ... Now here's where the funny part is supposed to start, except that this isn't a comedy routine and I am not the best jokester. Last Friday, my body wound up in the hospital while my mind was making other plans. About the best laugh that anyone could come up with was that now I know what it's like to sleep in surroundings that cost a $1000 a night and come with an adjustable bed and a staff catering to my every need.

Fortunately, I am home and well and it all seems like some bizarre tale told by a bard seeking to wile away the hours. Life is full of unexpected detours from the script we've written for ourselves. Even when we think we've put it all in God's hands, an experience such as I had causes an abrupt rethinking of priorities, activities and plans. The recurring comment that I have received from my friends is "perhaps it's about time to slow down?" Frankly, my thought is more along the lines of "I guess it's time to speed up!"

None of us know the amount of time we have on this earth, but the one thing we all know is that it is not limitless and that our bodies deteriorate with age. When looked at from this perspective, we all ought to be making every minute count.

Count for what? That's where the priorities come in.

How are we spending today? Are we so caught up in yesterday that it overshadows everything we experience? Are we so afraid of or longing for tomorrow that we are blind to the possibilities of the now? When the past haunts us or the future makes us uneasy, we give time a power it doesn't have to have.

Time is a human invention. We parse it because we can and because it's a neat way of organizing life. Yet, time is complex. In the 21st century, we can see the past and its future at the same time. We take a video of our kids when they are small and watch it with them as they turn 18. We know how it all turns out because today is the future we wondered about when we shot the footage.

Today is also the past that we will think of tomorrow. It can have its influence while we are living it or it can come to life in our memories. We can do something about what occurs as it occurs or clean up the mess afterwards. The future will be the result of the decisions we make or don't make because it is not a package waiting to happen to us. The only one who knows the outcome of the way we choose to live today is the One who doesn't live in time. Trying to figure it out is way above our pay grade.

So, we have the chance to make the future by doing something today. How are we going to spend the time?

Butterfly Tulip

Last Fall, a friend decided to plant some tulip bulbs in a large flower pot on our deck. The flowers that came up in the Spring would be in memory of my mother-in-law who passed away in July. The outcome has been spectacular.

The tulips are a very unusual variety and in the process of opening, one, and only one, displayed the butterfly form you see in the picture. It is a very apt reminder that Eleanor is living a new life after the chrysalis of her death.

For many of us, our lives seem to be spent in a chrysalis, as well. Life is hard and each day is a battle to survive. That's when we need a reminder that flowers are beautiful, that small miracles occur where we least expect them and that decisions made on a sunny day in October can bring a smile on a cloudy day in April.

People who live in hope plant flowers. These bulbs and seeds will lift their spirits - or someone else's - on some unknown day in the future. Today, let's take a look at the trees that are leafing out and the gardens that are springing to life and give thanks for the people of the past who took the time to brighten the lives of the people of today.

Lamp Light

The Chrysler Museum in Norfolk, VA has a magnificent collection of Tiffany lamps. A curator recently gave a talk about them and mentioned that what we see today is not the same as what our ancestors saw when the lamps were first made in 1895. They literally saw things in a different light.

Tiffany and his customers used Edison light bulbs which have a yellowish tinge to them, unlike those now available which give off a whiter light. The stained glass looks different depending on which portion of the spectrum is used to illuminate it. White light makes for truer color, but this is not the vision that Tiffany had when he created the shades. Are we enhancing his work or altering it?

Many believe that we must reproduce the past in order to stay true to it. There are raucous debates in the political sphere about reinterpreting the Constitution and actual violence taking place over new interpretations of religious writings. There are so many perspectives about who God is and what God wants from us that there are about 38,000 denominations of Christianity in the US and 270 religions in the world. Each adherent is positive that truth resides within the wall of this belief or that and that others should recognize it for what it is: the Truth.

Perhaps St. John brings a needed perspective. His first epistle tells us that God is light. We've come a long way in our understanding of exactly how complex this metaphor really is. Scientists have mapped the electromagnetic spectrum and discovered that visible light makes up only a portion of it. No one can point to a particular wavelength and claim that it, and it alone, is Light. What we are able to see is not all there is and some species can see more of it than others.

Just as this chart is divided into sections, we each view God from our own portion of the spectrum. God must prune away the barriers that prevent us from seeing it in its entirety and these obstacles are unique to each of us. God might be using an Edison bulb to reveal the Divine perspective in one person and a General Electric product in another, but more of the God spectrum will be revealed if we share our individual revelations.

Must we make a choice that excludes one or another's vision of God? Just as we change our perception of Tiffany's genius when we use modern lighting products, the more we can learn of God from our scientists, liberals, conservatives and even agnostics, the greater amount of detail we grasp. Old does not equal better and same does not equal best. Diverse lenses help us see more of the Light we cannot see.