Connections

Often we talk about illness being genetic, but my experience at the Charleston Wellness Center added an additional dimension to that reality. Not only can we inherit a damaged gene or two, but we are also prey to the attitudes, fears and pain that pass from family to family as the generations pass. The wounds of our great grandparents can be as present in our own time as they were in the past because of the stories we share and the attitudes we unthinkingly absorb.

For instance, my father’s ancestors fled the potato famine in Ireland. My mother’s people left a deprived situation in Norway. In both cases, there were many mouths to feed and finding enough food for them all was a daily concern. The feelings involved must have covered the gamut from fear of want to guilt over not providing enough to shame over wanting more when others still had to be fed. To them, food was an enemy to be conquered; food was the answer to the problems of life.

My extended family and I all have digestive problems and the attitudes we have are rooted in these experiences. In our ancestors’ homes, food was always associated with tense dinner times or guilt ridden conversations. Food was the barometer that measured the quality of their relationships: providing it, eating it and giving it up as a sacrifice were signs of love. In these households, food was not nourishment for our bodies, it was legal tender. Every time we, their progeny, eat and drink, these attitudes are present in our emotional genes.

As I’ve thought about my connections to all those who have gone before me, I feel deep compassion and a strong link to each of them. They were doing the best that they could and each person in the chain bears the wounds that came with the trying. I am a product of these individuals, but I have the choice now to continue to internalize their fears or bring healing and forgiveness to them.

I’ve chosen to do the latter, but as I entered into their pain through prayer, the list of people I was remembering grew longer and longer. Each person had touched another person who had touched another who had touched another and I soon realized that I would wind up praying for the world. We are all connected to each other and because we are all in God, we are all one.

I think this is what is meant by Jesus taking on the sins of the world. He saw through all our poor choices to the pain, guilt and terror of everyone who ever lived and who will ever live and loved us all. He reached into our heart's pain and cried out on our behalf: “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” and brought pure, unconditional love and forgiveness to us all.

We can look back on the legacy we’ve inherited and do the same. We can stop passing on the pain by entering into it and facing it and healing it. This is more than an intellectual exercise. In our empathy, we unite with those who have gone before us. Those in our past become present and we make room for God to bring us peace.