Carousel of Life

My life is rather unsettled at the moment. Our new pastor is making changes and he hasn't collaborated with the parishioners nor has he explained his actions. Things just happen and practices that have been a part of the identity of this church for 40 years have simply disappeared. It is a most difficult time.

When life isn't going quite the way we would wish, what's the next step? Well, for me, it's going to God and asking for some direction. It may come through a thought, a comment, a song, a scripture verse or some "chance" encounter or event, but I trust that God will, at some point, provide what's needed. While at chuch earlier tonight, the answer was immediate: the choir began to sing "To everything, there is a season..."

The lyrics have been going through my head ever since, but not the hymnal version. Instead, I'm hearing the one sung by The Byrds back in 1965:

To everything (turn!, turn!, turn!)
There is a season (turn!,turn!, turn!)

It's the instruction to "Turn!" that sticks with me. In my mind, I see myself on a carousel and as it's going round and round, I am leaning over the edge trying to grab at something passing by. "Wait! Wait - go back!" I want to say, but the carousel goes on and on as I look backward at what is retreating from my view. The prompt to "Turn!" reminds me that I must turn around and face the future instead.

The truth is, of course, that life is always moving on and to try to ossify it in one place or another is to go against its nature. In the Acts of the Apostles, St. Paul relates the story of his conversion and quotes Jesus as saying: "Saul...it is useless for you to kick against the goad." The gist of his meaning is pretty clear, but I've never known the exact definition of a goad. Turns out, it's a cattle prod. So the instruction is, once again, very clear: "Move on!"

My church is different. Right now, other people might be saying, "my job is different" or "my new spouse doesn't do what my last one did" or "my illness means that my life can never be the same."  All of us have the same choice: we can decide that only the past is good enough or we can try to appreciate what new strengths the new situation brings.

I know which choice is the loving one. I know which choice is the one that makes the most sense. I even know which choice I want to make. I'm just not there yet. With God's grace, maybe tomorrow. As for tonight, I'll sing myself to sleep: To everything (Turn! Turn! Turn!) There is a season (Turn! Turn! Turn!)...