Memories

There's a line from a St. Louis Jesuits song that has always struck me as particularly important to a peace-full life:

"Take my memory, my understanding, my entire will; give me only your love and your grace..."

It's that first one - memory - that seems to be the key, even more so than the other two because it's how we remember things that shapes our understanding and feeds our will.

Memories are very important to me and our family, right now. How Eleanor is going to be remembered in our minds is taking shape at every moment when we choose to dwell on one aspect or another of her death and the distribution of her property. Each decision forms a memory.

How tempting it is to focus on ourselves and see her through the lens of our own expectations. I've had to fight that. I've had to fight to hold on to the woman I knew and not on some things that have upset me since her death. She deserves that and so do I.

It took me almost 50 years to be at peace with my own mother who died when I was 21. It took that long because of memories - memories that I had cemented into my spirit by replaying them over and over in my mind. Psychotherapists believe that talking about the past helps to heal it. I'm not so sure anymore.

I think St. Paul's counsel may be better - "Love does not brood over injury."