The Moment Passes

The gears of many relationships advance like a  steady watch until, for want of some lubrication or cleaning, they begin to slow and malfunction. Their sprockets no longer mesh neatly and are no longer in sync. Misunderstandings happen; hurt is deep. Without some attention, like the watch, the relationship will halt completely.

Attention, however, is not always forthcoming. To many, making up seems harder than breaking up and separation is the more tempting choice. The prospect of trying to repair the broken relationship appears to be worse than simply putting it aside.

Why is making up so hard to do? Perhaps it's because, in the hurt of the moment, we can't imagine anything worse. The pain of regret and complete rejection hasn't been tasted yet. Neil Sedaka illustrated this with two versions of his hit song Breaking Up is Hard to Do.

The first recording was a high energy, youthful rock and roll number that he did in 1962. It sounded confident and brash. The singer did a remake in 1976. Same words, same music, but a much slower tempo. This time it was poignant and rueful - the cry of a now too wise lover who really knew the pain of the solitude that was to come.

There is a moment when hurt has not yet created a rut in our brains and healing is easier. Hurt and anger that sticks around for awhile, waiting for the right time or the less painful time or for the other to make the first move, tends to move in and take over. Each person has more time to misunderstand and more time to savor the hurt. That outcome is seldom good.

Healing is better than brokenness; now is better than later. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger," says St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. Let us pray for each other that we would have the grace to not let the moment pass.